Harry Potter's Got Talent!
by Grey-Dawn55
Summary: Join the entire Harry Potter cast as they sing songs! AAAH! Rated T 'cause I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the official story before the "Fred and George: Save The World" story. I promise you, it will come soon. I WON'T FAIL YOU! AAAAAHHHH!**

Harry Potter's Got Talent!

Announcer: Hello there, welcome to the first episode and only episode of Harry Potter's Got Talent! I am Keith Stopawaskii.

Announcer: Our judges are Hermione Granger, Voldemort, and Harry Potter himself!

Announcer: Our first contestant: Dumbledore.

Voldemort: *immediantly clicks "no"*

Hermione: Voldie, you haven't heard him yet.

Voldemort: *curse word*

Harry: What will you sing, Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Tick Tock.

Voldemort: Oh my god.

Dumbledore:

_Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy (Hey what up girl)_

_Grab my glasses—_

Hermione: *no*

Harry: *no*

Dumbledore: WHAT! WHAT THE F*** IS THE F***ING MATTER WITH YOU! I SUNG LIKE A QUEEN!

Harry: I'm sorry, I can't stand the thought of my headmaster singing Tick Tock.

Dumbledore: *growls* Five million thousand points from Gryffindor.

Announcer: Next up—Severus Snape.

Harry: Oh, this will be good.

Hermione: What are you going to sing, Severus?

Snape: I'm going to sing "I Hate Everything About You."

Voldemort: I need ear muffs.

Hermione: Shut up, "Simon."

Voldemort: YOU SHUT UP…whatever your name is.

Snape:

_Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you—

Voldemort: *no*

Hermione: It's so beautiful! *yes*

Harry: *mutters* I know he's singing to me… *no*

Hermione: Oh, come on! That was beautiful!

Harry: WHAT THE *elder swear from potter puppet pals*

Hermione: O_O

Snape: So I didn't win?

Voldemort: NO. AVADAKADABRA!

Announcer: …

Announcer: Next up…Ronald Weasley…

Ron: YEAH!

Harry: Let me guess—you're going to sing Awesome.

Ron: You're scaring me.

Voldemort: Hurry up, Weasley.

Hermione: …(I hate you, Ron.)

Ron:

_Awesome…awesome…_

_Mother—_

Harry: *no*

Voldemort: *no*

Hermione: *no*

Ron: …..*cries and runs away*

Announcer: Next up…Sirius Black.

Harry: WTF! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!

Sirius: No.

Hermione: *swoons*

Voldemort: *looks jealous*

Harry: What will you be singing, Sirius?

Sirius:

_girl you make me dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb,  
dumb-b-do-b-dumb  
dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb,  
I love you so dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb  
dumb-b-do-b-dumb  
wh-wh-wh-whyyy—_

Harry: *yes*

Hermione: *yes yes yes*

Voldemort: *no comment*

**Stay tuned for the next episode! Will Sirius win! LOL, I love this story so far!**

**-Grey-Dawn55**


	2. Chapter 2

**HEY! The next episode!**

**-Grey-Dawn55**

Announcer: We have a winner! Sirius Orean Black, will you please make your way to the Dingding Hall and pick your prize.

Sirius: DINGDING Hall!

Annoncer: *pushes Sirius into a closet*

Announcer: Next up: Luna Lovegood.

Harry: *blushes*

Voldemort: *smirks*

Hermione: *waves "hi"*

Luna: I'll be singing "Don't Stop Beleivin."

Luna:

_Just a small town girl_

_Living in a lonely world—_

Hermione: *yes*

Harry: *yes*

Voldemort: *no*

Hermione: Voldemort! WTF is wrong with you!

Voldemort: YOU SWOONING OVER SIRIUS!

Hermione: ….

Luna: I guess I lost, then, huh?

Harry: No, no, Luna, go ahead to the Dingding Hall with Sirius!

Announcer: Next: Remus Lupin.

Hermione: REMUS! I LOVE YOU!

Voldemort: *blushes and grits teeth*

Remus: *gives Voldemort a confused look*

Voldemort: *makes the slit throat sign*

Remus: *cough* Eh-hem…I'll be singing "I'm A Werewolf Baby."

Hermione: *hell yes*

Harry: We'll see.

Voldemort: *takes out wand*

Remus:

_The moon goes up, I start to sweat  
Call the doctor, call the vet  
My brain goes numb, my blood gets  
hot  
All I need is what you got._

I'm a werewolf, baby, here I come  
I'm a werewolf, baby, here I come.

Harry: *no*

Voldemort: AVADAKADABRA!

Hermione: ….Voldemort, what was that for?

Voldemort: *blushes* NOTHING! WHO THE HELL IS NEXT!

Announcer: …

Voldemort: WELL!

Announcer: *sounds nervous* Lily.

Severus: *appears out of nowhere* I love you.

Lily: Forget it. It's over. *pushes Severus away*

Severus:

_Baby, don't you do it,_

_Don't you break my heart—_

Lily: Too late.

Harry: MOMMY!

Voldemort: Oh god.

Voldemort's Thoughts: _Maybe if I pretend to like Lily, Hermione will get jealous! YES!_

Voldemort: *cough* Go on, sweetie. What will you sing?

Lily: ….um, Love Story.

Hermione: *confused glance at Voldemort*

Lily:

_We were both young_

_When I first saw you—_

Harry: *yes*

Hermione: *yes*

Voldemort: *yes*

Announcer: Lily, please make your way to the Dingding Hall.

Lily: ….um…okay…

Announcer: HURRY UP!

Voldemort: *winks at Hermione*

Announcer: Next up…George.

George: Hey.

Harry: Wassup! Where's Fred?

George: Oh, he's getting prepared. I'm doing a solo act.

Hermione: What will you be singing?

George: The Waffle Song.

Voldemort: *NO!*

Harry: Oh, come on.

George:

_Do you like waffles?_

Voldemort: NO!

George:

_Do you like pancakes?_

Voldemort: F*** NO!

George:

…._Do you like French toast?_

Voldemort: AVADAKADABRA!

Hermione: Tom! That's not very nice!

Voldemort: You…called me Tom…

Hermione: Because it's your name.

Voldemort: *kisses Hermione*

Harry:

_Somebody call 9-1-1!_

_There's fire burning on the dance floor!_

Voldemort: Shuddup.

Harry: You shut up.

Announcer: Next up, Fred.

Fred: I'll be singing Tuna Fish Plastic Rubber.

Harry: I've never heard of that song.

Fred: No body has.

Harry: Well, how does it go?

Voldemort: *no*

Hermione: Tom! He hasn't even sung yet!

Fred:

_I'm rocking by myself,_

_My friends are dancing off the shelf,_

_I yell at him—"hey, go to hell"_

_Someone rang the dinner bell,_

_Tuna fish, with plastic rubber,_

_Basically the same thing,_

_Tuna fish with plastic rubber,_

_Come under my wing,_

_I run towards the golden sun,_

_The hold up my gun—_

Hermione: *no*

Harry: *no*

Fred: AWWW…

Announcer: Next up: Draco Malfoy.

**Ooh, what will Draco sing! Find out in the next episode!**

**-Grey-Dawn55**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there! Another episode! YAY!**

**-Grey-Dawn55**

Draco: I'll be singing Baby by Justin Bieber.

Harry: *no*

Voldemort: *no*

Hermione: Go ahead, Draco.

Draco:

_I know you love me_

_I know you care…_

Draco: Um…can I just skip to the chorus?

Hermione: Go on.

Draco:

_Baby, baby, baby, oh_

_Baby, baby, baby, oh—_

Hermione: *no*

Draco: *shriek* You're just jealous of my talent! *runs off stage*

Announcer: Next up—Ginny Weasley.

Harry: *yes*

Hermione: Harry, you haven't heard her yet.

Ginny: Oh, come on, Hermione.

Ginny: I'll be singing Don't You Want Me Baby.

Harry: *swoons*

Ginny:

_Don't you want me baby?_

_Don't you want me, ooooooh!_

Hermione and Voldemort: *glance at each other and blush*

Hermione: *no*

Voldemort: *no*

Ginny: Awww….

Announcer: Too bad, Ginny.

Ginny: B-but…I….I…I…

Ginny: *starts crying*

Ginny: WAAAAAAAAH!

Announcer: GET OFF THE STAGE!

Announcer: *kicks her off stage*

Announcer: Next up—Dobby…the…house elf?

Dobby: Yeah, that's right.

Harry: Oh…my….god.

Dobby: Harry Potter! This song is for you!

Dobby:

_Lightning strikes  
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night  
Dream of ways  
To make you understand my pain_

Clouds of sulfur in the air  
Bombs are falling everywhere  
It's heartbreak warfare  
Once you want it to begin,  
No one really ever wins  
In heartbreak warfare

Harry: *yes*

Voldemort: *yes*

Hermione: *grabs tissue and blows nose*

Hermione: *yes*

Hermione: *suddenly disappears*

Dobby: Does this mean I get to go join Luna!

Announcer: Yes.

Dobby: Yay! I like her.

Harry: Thank you for being honest. Unlike *cough* some people.

Voldemort: (I hate you, Harry Potter.)

Announcer: Where's Hermione?

Announcer: *is handed a piece of paper*

Announcer: *smirks*

Voldemort: What? Did you find out where Hermione is?

Announcer: She'll be along.

Announcer: Up next—Peter Pettigrew. He's before our _special guest._

Peter: I'm going to sing Jar of Hearts.

Peter:

_I can't take one more step towards you—_

Harry: *no*

Voldemort: *no*

Peter: *sticks up middle finger*

Voldemort: AVADAKADABRA MAXAMIS!

Harry: Wow.

Voldemort: WELL! WHO'S NEXT? WHERE'S HERMIONE? WHEN WILL SHE FREAKING BE BACK! DOESN'T SHE KNOW I NEED—

Narrator(me!): Voldemort stopped himself.

Voldemort: Shut up, Narrator.

Narrator: Hey, it's my story. I can force _you _to sing something.

Voldemort: Oh no—

_Do you remember we were sitting there, by the water?_

_You put your arm around me—for the first time._

_You made a rebel out—_

Narrator: There. I had my revenge.

Harry: *bursts out laughing*

Voldemort: Get your laughs now, you ugly swine.

Harry: *rolls eyes* Alright, who's next, who's next?

Announcer: *epic face* SOME-ONE….

Harry: Eh?

Voldemort: WHO!

Announcer: Someone….^_^

Harry: Are you stalling?

Voldemort: Yeah, Keith. What _are _you doing?

Announcer: Nothing.

Voldemort: *raises eyebrow* nothing…or something?

Announcer: *gasps in terror as Voldemort looms above him*

Voldemort: WELL! SPIT IT OUT OR YOU WILL FACE MY F***!

Announcer: I'm glad the Narrator censored out the cuss words.

Voldemort: I hate you.

Announcer: I hate you too, Voldie.

Voldemort: NO ONE CALLS ME VOLDIE!

Harry: Quit stalling! Just say it!

Harry:

_Say what you need to say…_

_Say what you need to say…_

Voldemort: For once, the boy is right. Spit it out, Keith.

Announcer: Oh, alright.

Announcer: The next contestant is…

Announcer: Hermione Granger.

Voldemort: *WTF face*

Hermione: *appears in a small red bikini*

Hermione:

_California girls,_

_We're unforgettable,_

_Daisy Dukes,_

_Bikinis on top,_

_Sun-kissed,_

_So hot,_

_It'll melt your popsicle,_

_Ooooh, ooooh!_

Harry: *sure*

Voldemort: *!*

Hermione: Um…thank you…

Voldemort: You're so…hot…

Hermione: *blushes*

Hermione: You are too, Voldemort. All you need is a wig and a nose job.

Voldemort: I guess so. But, seriously, dude, respect the bald head.

Hermione: It's smooth.

Harry: *sighs*

Voldemort: Hermione?

Hermione: Yes?

Voldemort: Before the next singer comes up, will you do me a favor?

Hermione: YEEEEES?

Voldemort: …Will you marry me?

**Another dramatic ending! Will Hermione say yes? Stay tuned. Thank you, everyone for reading this! And all my fan fictions!**

**-Grey-Dawn55**


	4. Chapter 4

**Harry Potter's Got Talent! YAY! Next episode! Ooh, will Hermione say yes! You're about to find out…**

**-Grey-Dawn55**

Hermione: YES!

Voldemort: …Really?

Hermione: YES!

Voldemort: !

Harry: *discussed face* Ok, ok, who's next!

Announcer: C'mon, Harry, have a heart!

Harry: ….fine, let's have the wedding and get it over with.

Hermione: Ooh, ooh, we should have a contestant sing at the wedding!

Voldemort: YEAH! *starts dancing*

Harry: Voldemort, you dancing, that's gonna give me nightmares.

Voldemort: Too bad.

Harry: Ok….

(A few hours later…Hermione is in a wedding dress, Voldemort is in a tuxedo (O_O), and Harry is drinking diet Coke.)

Announcer: Okay, guys, our next singer will be Tom Felton.

Tom Felton: 'Sup. This song is for you, PadfootGredLover628!

Hermione: Who's PadfootGredLover628

Tom Felton: My fiancée.

Hermione: Aw, how sweet! *hugs Voldemort*

Tom Felton: You obviously want a love song…so..

_Something in the way she moves,  
Attracts me like no other lover.  
Something in the way she woos me.  
I don't want to leave her now,_  
_You know I believe and how._

Somewhere in her smile she knows,  
That I don't need no other lover.  
Something in her style that shows me.  
I don't want to leave her now,  
You know I believe and how.

You're asking me will my love grow,  
I don't know, I don't know.  
Stick around, and it may show,  
But I don't know, I don't know.

Something in the way she knows,  
And all I have to do is think of her.  
Something in the things she shows me.  
I don't want to leave her now.  
You know I believe and how.

Hermione: That was beautiful!

Tom Felton: *winks*

Narrator: ATTENTION! FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHO TOM FELTON IS, HE IS THE ACTOR WHO PLAYS DRACO MALFOY IN THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES.

Harry: *yes* It reminds me of Ginny.

Hermione: *yes* *kisses Voldemort*

Voldemort: *yes* *kisses Hermione*

Hermione: Can we go to our honey-moon?

Harry: Does that mean we'll have to cancel the show?

Voldemort: No. We'll be back. You can get some subsitutes.

Hermione: You could come with us and we could still have the show.

Voldemort: But we need privacy!

Hermione: *winks* Oh, we'll get some.

Harry: *rolls eyes*

Announcer: Next up: Collin Creavy.

Harry: Collin! I thought you died!

Collin: Nope! I managed to survive! I hid in the sidelines and took pictures. Now, I'm a magical photographer. I decided I wanted to sing, too, so I found out about this show, and you running it, and came here!

Harry: What will you sing?

Collin: The Squirrel Song.

Voldemort: Oh no.

Collin:

_Yo, I'm a squirrel, squirrel_

_Never date a girl, girl_

_Some of you will hurl, hurl_

'_cause I'ma…_

'_cause I'ma…_

'_CAUSE IMA SQUIRREL (squirrel)_

_Yo, I'm a squirrel, squirrel_

_Never date a girl, girl_

_Some of you will hurl, hurl_

'_cause I'ma…_

'_cause I'ma…_

'_CAUSE IMA SQUIRREL (squirrel)_

Voldemort: *no*

Hermione: *yes*

Harry: *yes*

Hermione: Oh, come on, you have to admit that was good, Voldemort! You just don't like the song!

Voldemort: Oh, alright. *yes*

Collin: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Announcer: Go join our winners at the Dingding Hall.

Meanwhile, at the Dingding Hall…

**Another dramatic ending! I ended because I have no idea what's going to happen at the Dingding Hall. Any ideas? Tell me if you have any. Thanks!**

**-Grey-Dawn55**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey there! I have ideas for the Dingding Hall! It turns out, it's not as it really seems…O_e**

At the Dingding Hall

Everyone who had won was hanging from the dungeon ceiling, angrily staring down at the one who had tricked Harry into thinking the Dingding Hall was a dining hall. "What do you have against us!" Tom Felton screeched.

The one who had done this to them, stepped into the light. It was Chuck Norris.

Everyone gasped. "Save us!" Luna cried as Chuck Norris began to do a round-house kick.

Meanwhile…

Announcer: Next up…Crabbe.

Crabbe: 'Sup.

Harry: Oh…my…god, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!

Crabbe: Nope.

Hermione: Aw, man.

Crabbe: I'll be singing "Mr. Roboto."

Voldemort: AAAH! NO! *apparates*

Crabbe: Oh-kay…

Harry: Hurry up, I'm hungry.

Harry: *thoughts*(Maybe if he loses, I can eat him.)

Hermione: *reads Harry's thoughts* Harry! That's sick! You're no better than Carl the Llama!

Crabbe:

_Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto  
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto  
Mata ahoo Hima de  
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto  
Himitsu wo Shiri tai_

You're wondering who I am  
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)  
Machine or mannequin  
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)  
With parts made in Japan  
(Secret, secret, I've got a secret)  
I am the modern man

I've got a secret, I've been hiding under my skin  
My heart is human, my blood is boiling  
My brain I.B.M., so if you see me  
Acting strangely, don't be surprised

Harry: *no*

Hermione: *yes*

Harry: *NO*

Hermione: *YES*

NO!

YES!

NO!

YES!

NO!

And then, Hermione and Harry had a cussing battle which is too nasty for me to describe, so I will just say, neither one looked at each other the same way again.

Crabbe: So…I guess I won?

Hermione: No.

Harry: YAY! *grabs fork*

Crabbe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (As Harry begins to eat him)

Hermione: Harry! That's just wrong! That's canabilisum and is frowned upon in this country.

Harry: Then let's go to Mexico! *apparates with Crabbe's shoe in his mouth*

Hermione: *sighs* I'm all alone.

**Sorry, short chapter, couldn't think of anything else. If you have any ideas for me, don't be shy and share them, okay? Thank you,**

**Grey-Dawn55**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey there! I was happy to find my inbox (from e-mails) full with 19 reviews, story alerts, and favorites. I literally shrieked with joy. I never knew I had so many fans. Anyway, let's get on with the story. :D**

**-Grey-Dawn55**

Harry: *teleports to stage with a red lobster/crab in his hand*

Hermione: WTF

Harry: Some Swedish dude said he'd take Crabbe and he traded me crab! *epic screech*

Hermione: Is Crabbe alright?

Harry: He's got a small dent in his foot, but, hey, nothing serious.

Hermione: You have issues.

Voldemort: *appears out of nowhere* Sorry I'm late!

Hermione: *hugs Voldemort* Where have you been! I have something to tell you—

Announcer: *rudely cuts Hermione off*

Announcer: Next up—Neville Longbottom.

Voldemort: *makes a farting noise with his lips*

Hermione: Honey, don't be rude.

Harry: *takes a bite of his crab and burps* Hurry up.

Neville: I'll be singing "DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again."

Hermione: Go on, dear.

Neville:

_So we back in the club  
Get that bodies rockin from side to side (side to side)  
Thank God the week is done  
I feel like a zombie gone back to life (back to life)  
Hands up, and suddenly we all got our hands up  
No control of my body  
Ain't I seen you before?  
I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes  
Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again_

Harry: *yes*

Hermione: *yes*

Voldemort: *yes*

Neville: YESH! *runs into wall and passes out*

Announcer: *cough* Hermione, what were you going to say before I interrupted you?

Hermione: Voldemort.

Voldemort: YESSSSSSSSSSSS?

Hermione: You're going to be….

Voldemort: What?

Hermione: A FATHER!

Voldemort: …what?

Harry: *burps*

Hermione: I'm having a baby!

Voldemort: OH MY GOD!

Harry: Yeah, Voldemort, why didn't you notice! Hermione's almost as big as a cow!

Hermione: *slaps Harry*

Harry: Ow.

Voldemort: *passes out*

?: You're all doomed!

Hermione & Harry: What?

?: Oh, sorry, I should've introduced myself. I'm Chuck Norris.

Hermione: Why are we doomed?

?: Because I am planning world domination.

Harry: ….

Announcer: Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris: Oh no, it's you.

Announcer: Sing us a song!

Chuck Norris: Oh, alright.

Hermione: YAY!

Chuck Norris: I'm going to sing "World Domination."

_De Dread ah come  
De Dread ah come  
De Dread ah come co come co come  
De Dread ah come what  
De Dread ah come what  
De Dread ah come co come co come  
World domination equals world suffocation  
Yer its dread out there you know  
Earth confrontation equals earth segregation  
Yer its dread out there you know  
Man mutilation scientific innovation  
Yer its dread out there you know  
Chemical reaction could reduce the population  
Yer its dread out there you know  
Yer you know they're trying to fix me  
But then they break me down again  
Yer you know they're trying to fix me  
And I can't take no  
More domination_

Voldemort: *wakes up*

Hermione: *no*

Harry: *no*

Voldemort: *no*

Chuck Norris: *head starts burning*

**To be continued! Ooh! This story, sadly, is beginning to come to an end. Yes, it is sad, but I will write more, maybe even a sequel! Anyways, stay tuned! :D**

**-Grey-Dawn55**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there, yet another chapter. I came up with a cute way to end this story (epilogue) I think I'll do a sequel; I love you all for reviewing and loving this story! :D P.S, for younger viewers, beware the cuss word at the bottom of the page. :)**

**-Grey-Dawn55**

Suddenly, everyone in the Dingding Hall came from behind Chuck Norris and gave him a wedgie.

Hermione: YA!

Harry: YA! *takes a bite of crab*

Voldemort: yay…*without much happiness*

**A few years later…**

Voldemort: Push! PUSH, DAMMIT!

Hermione: For god's sake, honey, I am pushing! OWWWW!

Harry: *still has crab* It's a boy!

Hermione: What should we name him?

Voldemort: Let's name him Ezekiel.

Hermione: O_O

Meanwhile in the Sweedish country-side…

Sweedish Dude: Are you done painting my toe-nails, Crab?

Crabbe: It's C-R-A-B-B-E!

Sweedish Dude: SILENCE, SLAVE!

Crabbe: But…

Sweedish Dude: DON'T MAKE ME EAT YOU, VERMIN!

Crabbe: Eep!

**Stay tuned for my sequel coming soon! :P Sorry this story was kind of short, but I was thinking of making the sequel longer. Thanks to everyone who has read this, I love you all! **

**-Grey-Dawn55**


End file.
